Most lives are spent waiting. Waiting for dreams to manifest, for trouble to end, and for life to be happy. Golden Zen reflects on the brillance of the NOW and the winks we receive from our Source to remind us we possess it all. Golden Zen is practical and mystical, instructive and reflective. You are my invited guest.

Posts tagged ‘control freak’

The Power Broker Bust (pt 2 of 4)

Somethings I Just Don’t Control

There is an art to controlling what you can, and letting go of the rest.  I call it BEING in your own business.  So much time is wasted focusing on what is not in our control, that we are left fatigued, emotionally depleted, and oftentimes depressed.  It feels helpless to be in a driver’s seat, with no power to move.  It can leave you exhausted.  It is a power broker bust!

I have listed 5 VERY IMPORTANT “NOT MY BUSINESS” reminders later in this article, but first let’ see what you had to say.

You don't always get to drive!

You don't always get to drive!

I asked some of the Goldenzen community if I could repeat some of the comments they made in the recent article “Are You A Control Freak” in today’s article.  They graciously agreed to share their wisdom.  

Here is what they had to say, somewhat “harmonized”:

Robin of Let’s Live Forever: She is not responsible for what food her spouse puts in his mouth!
(It’s tough enough watching our own bellies!)

Davina of Loving Pulse: A self-confessed control freak says what other people’s attitudes are is not her business.

Gloria Chadwick of Zen Coffee: “  You can’t control other people or situations. You’re in charge of your emotions, your actions and reactions.”  (Now she is exceptionally bright due to the Zen + Coffee strategy she adheres to so we would expect as much from her!)                       

The Urban Panther at (you guessed it) The Urban Panther: Admitted to being slightly “catty” about accurate and inaccurate blog posting – however, says she knows it is not her business to insure that others write open and honest blog posts.

ToBeMe at ToBeMe (I forgot to email for his permission, but he and I go way back, so I think I am good here) said, most profoundly I think, that he is not responsible for the decisions his adult children make.  (for those of us that have them, this one is a toughie!)

Barbara Swafford at Blogging Without A Blog (although she seems to have quite a good one!) said: Choices that are made by someone else are not her business. Period.  Unless, they agree to choose together and then it’s a joint venture.

Lance at The Jungle Of Life bravely said “Its not my business to be overly concerned with what others think of me.”  (Maybe a wee bit off concern is okay? :-))

Stacey at Create A Balance shared: “One thing that is not my business is how others take care of their health.” (Again, ours does seem to be a full time job!)

Late Breaking News: Writer Dad, now known as Sean, at Writer Dad arrived on the scene with a comment I just can’t pass up: “If I’m not where I’d like to be, a good place to start looking for reasons why are the last several decisions I made.”  (Ouch! So what is now OUT of my control is a consequence perhaps of what I did with what was in my control!)

Five Additional Totally Out Of My Control, Not my Business and Completely Draining Scenarios:  

 (WARNING: Content may be offensive to some readers- which, by the way, is none of my business!)

1. What the weather is doing.  Why would I allow rain, snow, wind, cold, sun, or other basic weather patterns to affect my mood for the day – when I am powerless to change it?  (Hurricanes, earthquakes, tornadoes are exempt.  You can worry about that. :-))

2. Global economy I can save, spend, invest, work hard or work little and effect my own economic life to degree, but what Wall Street does, and how it affects my world, is out of my control- therefore not my business.

3. If my lover stays true to me– How can I control that?  Tie a string around his ankle?  Make her take a polygraph test every night?  What you can control is how you respond, how secure you are in yourself, how trusting you choose you can be with others.

4. If I get promoted over the next person – I can do my best, offer my all or offer very little, and experience reward based on merit.  But life rarely rewards according to merit – so the outcome is up to someone else, and my power is in what I do from there.

5. If I die.  People get so off balance on this subject.  My dear readers – you can take supplements, run a few miles four times a week, get a lot of good sex for the prostrate, eat organic, and meditate hours a day – and still die. You don’t control it, so it’s not your business.  This particular fear is the source of much of today’s behaviors, that paradoxically, shorten one’s life through obsessive worry and stress.

The more you let go, the more power you have.  It seems so simple that it appears on surface irresponsible.  But in reality, detachment from outcome is the most powerful tool in your toolbox – and that is your business!

In our next post let’s look at HOW and WHEN do you let go?  Do you have strategies for chillin’ out and “letting it go” that have worked for you that you care to share with a VERY ATTENTIVE audience?  We are listening! 

In the Grace of the Moment,

Harmony

PS.  THANK YOU SO MUCH to the t photograpers whose talents bless us with such good imagery of verbal communication:   http://www.flickr.com/photos/42972350@N00/  – Alatriste (child in the drivers seat)

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Are You a “CONTROL FREAK”?

Control. 

What does it mean when someone says that you are “too controlling” or,
“Look Jane, this is out of your control!”

Two seal pups deciding who is in control!

Two seal pups deciding who is in control!

Out of our pop psychology generation, we picked up a lot of terms that show we really understand what is going on.  (Or NOT)

  • “This is my issue, not yours.”
  • “It’ not you, it’s me.” (Thank God Dr. Seinfeld and Georgie taught us that one!)
  • I need some “downtime” or a “time-out”
  • I don’t feel “centered”

Right up there with “unresolved anger,” and “significant other” is a term we have become quite familiar with – c.o.n.t.r.o.l.

The dictionaries suggest we think of phrases like “to be in the driver’s seat” or “hold the reins” to help us get a mental picture of what it means to control.

But I suggest another approach.

Is it my business? 

Being in control means= that I make everything MY BUSINESS.

Maybe it’s not my business and not in my control.  It could be my neighbors business, or God’s business – but it’s often not MY BUSINESS.

For the next few posts I would like to explore with you the ART OF BEING IN MY OWN BUSINESS.

Can you let it go?

Can you let it go?

Will you help?  What I am asking of each reader is to take just a moment or two and comment telling us one thing you know is your business, and one thing you know is NOT your business even though you might be tempted to make it so. 

Then if you will, subscribe to the comments RSS for this post and keep an eye on what others are saying.  If you find that it triggers yet another “this is my business” comment, or “this is not my business” comment in you, please come back and comment again.  (You can certainly UNSUBSCRIBE to the comments whenever you are tired of it all. (that is easily done in the email where the RSS notice arrives)

You never know, what you share might not be something someone else really needed to read.

I am going to kick it off, by sharing in the first comment below with the Goldenzen avatar .  Take a look – make it your business to know! 🙂

Upcoming Blog Entries: The Art Of Being In My Own Business    

  • When is it My Business?
  • What is Not My Business?
  • How Can I Let it Go?
  • When Should I Let It Go?
  • Help, it’s back!

Thanks for your participation!
In the Grace of the Moment,

Harmony

PS  Does all the news about stocks plummeting, banks closing and economic distress drive you to your own  “controlling issues”?  Check out my latest post: ECONOMIC MELTDOWN at the Best Life Blog.

Thank you to G’na at Flicker for the animal photo – http://www.flickr.com/photos/g-na/2344863442/ your gift sure helps me share mine much more effectively.   Her photostream of animals is beautiful!

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