Most lives are spent waiting. Waiting for dreams to manifest, for trouble to end, and for life to be happy. Golden Zen reflects on the brillance of the NOW and the winks we receive from our Source to remind us we possess it all. Golden Zen is practical and mystical, instructive and reflective. You are my invited guest.

Posts tagged ‘choose’

The Power Broker Bust (pt 2 of 4)

Somethings I Just Don’t Control

There is an art to controlling what you can, and letting go of the rest.  I call it BEING in your own business.  So much time is wasted focusing on what is not in our control, that we are left fatigued, emotionally depleted, and oftentimes depressed.  It feels helpless to be in a driver’s seat, with no power to move.  It can leave you exhausted.  It is a power broker bust!

I have listed 5 VERY IMPORTANT “NOT MY BUSINESS” reminders later in this article, but first let’ see what you had to say.

You don't always get to drive!

You don't always get to drive!

I asked some of the Goldenzen community if I could repeat some of the comments they made in the recent article “Are You A Control Freak” in today’s article.  They graciously agreed to share their wisdom.  

Here is what they had to say, somewhat “harmonized”:

Robin of Let’s Live Forever: She is not responsible for what food her spouse puts in his mouth!
(It’s tough enough watching our own bellies!)

Davina of Loving Pulse: A self-confessed control freak says what other people’s attitudes are is not her business.

Gloria Chadwick of Zen Coffee: “  You can’t control other people or situations. You’re in charge of your emotions, your actions and reactions.”  (Now she is exceptionally bright due to the Zen + Coffee strategy she adheres to so we would expect as much from her!)                       

The Urban Panther at (you guessed it) The Urban Panther: Admitted to being slightly “catty” about accurate and inaccurate blog posting – however, says she knows it is not her business to insure that others write open and honest blog posts.

ToBeMe at ToBeMe (I forgot to email for his permission, but he and I go way back, so I think I am good here) said, most profoundly I think, that he is not responsible for the decisions his adult children make.  (for those of us that have them, this one is a toughie!)

Barbara Swafford at Blogging Without A Blog (although she seems to have quite a good one!) said: Choices that are made by someone else are not her business. Period.  Unless, they agree to choose together and then it’s a joint venture.

Lance at The Jungle Of Life bravely said “Its not my business to be overly concerned with what others think of me.”  (Maybe a wee bit off concern is okay? :-))

Stacey at Create A Balance shared: “One thing that is not my business is how others take care of their health.” (Again, ours does seem to be a full time job!)

Late Breaking News: Writer Dad, now known as Sean, at Writer Dad arrived on the scene with a comment I just can’t pass up: “If I’m not where I’d like to be, a good place to start looking for reasons why are the last several decisions I made.”  (Ouch! So what is now OUT of my control is a consequence perhaps of what I did with what was in my control!)

Five Additional Totally Out Of My Control, Not my Business and Completely Draining Scenarios:  

 (WARNING: Content may be offensive to some readers- which, by the way, is none of my business!)

1. What the weather is doing.  Why would I allow rain, snow, wind, cold, sun, or other basic weather patterns to affect my mood for the day – when I am powerless to change it?  (Hurricanes, earthquakes, tornadoes are exempt.  You can worry about that. :-))

2. Global economy I can save, spend, invest, work hard or work little and effect my own economic life to degree, but what Wall Street does, and how it affects my world, is out of my control- therefore not my business.

3. If my lover stays true to me– How can I control that?  Tie a string around his ankle?  Make her take a polygraph test every night?  What you can control is how you respond, how secure you are in yourself, how trusting you choose you can be with others.

4. If I get promoted over the next person – I can do my best, offer my all or offer very little, and experience reward based on merit.  But life rarely rewards according to merit – so the outcome is up to someone else, and my power is in what I do from there.

5. If I die.  People get so off balance on this subject.  My dear readers – you can take supplements, run a few miles four times a week, get a lot of good sex for the prostrate, eat organic, and meditate hours a day – and still die. You don’t control it, so it’s not your business.  This particular fear is the source of much of today’s behaviors, that paradoxically, shorten one’s life through obsessive worry and stress.

The more you let go, the more power you have.  It seems so simple that it appears on surface irresponsible.  But in reality, detachment from outcome is the most powerful tool in your toolbox – and that is your business!

In our next post let’s look at HOW and WHEN do you let go?  Do you have strategies for chillin’ out and “letting it go” that have worked for you that you care to share with a VERY ATTENTIVE audience?  We are listening! 

In the Grace of the Moment,

Harmony

PS.  THANK YOU SO MUCH to the t photograpers whose talents bless us with such good imagery of verbal communication:   http://www.flickr.com/photos/42972350@N00/  – Alatriste (child in the drivers seat)

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The Art Of BEING in My Own Business – Part 1

When is it my Business?

In our introduction to this series, we discussed the idea around CONTROL or
the feeling that somehow we are in charge of our surroundings.  In fact, we are not really in control of all that much!

What we do control (or what is our business) is ourselves from the inside out (at least partly), and that is the topic of discussion for today.

Here are 5 things I can list that are my business, and therefore to some degree, are in my control.

1. How I feel about going to work in the morning.
2. How I respond to unfair criticism
3. How I choose to relate to my neighbors
4. Where I spend my grocery money
5. What I say I want when I am asked, “what would you like?”

Let’s take a closer look:

How I feel about going to work in the morning:
Here is the truth of the matter: I don’t really dig going to a job in the morning.  I much prefer my work at home lifestyle.  But, due to unforeseen circumstances, there have been times when “I owe, I owe, it’s off to work I go!” has been my theme song.  How I feel when I go to the closet, slide my jacket on, and grab the keys as I head out the door, is totally mine to own.  I can be grateful for the opportunities I have to make some progress and learn while I do, or I can choose to be miserable because I hate the job, and suffer my way through.  It is my business.

How I choose to respond is my businness
How I respond to criticism:  
It hurts or maybe it doesn’t have too?  The only reason it hurts is because somehow I give it power to hurt.  Unfair criticism is after all, someone else’s opinion.  Is that my business?  What I think of myself and the person who spoke, that is my business.  I can choose, as Eckhart Tolle suggests, to be transparent. Their words find no matter, no resistance, no one to hurt.  If I know who I am, and I am in connection with myself, I am able to allow others their opinion without it having much to do with me.  It may sting for a second, and then I remember, who I am.  That’s all I need to know.
BE THE PEACE YOU LONG TO SEE
How I choose to relate to my neighbors:
I read a wonderful post this week by a woman who was discussion intention.  She offered to the readers that one of her daily practices was to offer 85 “Rakas”, or intentions or prayers for her neighbors.  She intended that gentle rains of blessing would be theirs. She said she never has to work on peaceful relations with them, because after you pray for them every day, with 85 repetitions, YOU are peace.

No one can drive me crazy.  It is my business to choose, and I can choose to hate, resent, bear grudges, be intolerant, be rude or to ignore, if I want to.  That is my business.
(Of course, I can choose to enjoy also.)

Where I spend my grocery money:  
I personally cannot control global economy, but I can make choices about how I spend my money. I can shop where they supply local options, organic selections, and sustainable solutions.  That is my business.  Or, I can choose to eat at fast food joints and sip on milkshakes while driving to work.  If I want to go to a concert, and money is tight, I can choose to shop economically, and save enough to go to the concert, or I can complain to everyone I know that there is never enough money to do what you want.  How I respond to my bank account – that is my business.  Where I spend my money, is in my control.            
                                                          
What I say I want when I am asked, “What would you like?”
I personally have struggled with this one most of my life.  I remember when I was married and raising children, my husband would be driving, and the kids would be in the back seat of the mini van.

“Where would you like to go to eat,” he would ask respectfully.  You could hear the kids sigh in the back seat.  They knew we were in for a ride- and not in the van!  “Well, I don’t really care.  Let’s go where you and the kids want to go,” I replied with modesty and charm. 

“Okay, Dad, let’s go to Burger King!”  My daughter loved the fast food joints.  My immediate response was, “Oh honey, not tonight.”

“Anyone for Denny’s?”  Silly husband suggested.  He thought I really meant it when I said I didn’t have a preference.  He assumed that when I said, “not really”, it meant not really.  

I remember years of me not saying what I wanted when asked because I wanted to please others, but really, I didn’t want to take responsibility for pleasing myself.  I wanted someone else to do that for me.  The unspoken deal was this: I please you – you please me. 

Taking the time to be honest, to say what I want when I am asked is my business.

IT’S YOUR TURN

You must have some “doosies”.  Let’s save the ‘What’s not my Business’ for next time, and this time, share your list of ‘What is my business’.  We could learn a lot from each other.

In the Grace of the Moment,
Harmony

 
PS. Interested in learning about TRIPLE WIN STRATEGY?  Learn how business is being reshaped through consumersim to global citizenship. Find out how at one of my other blogs: THE BEST LIFE blog for business.

Many thanks to Lynne at flickr for the money photo.  See her photostream at http://www.flickr.com/photos/your_teacher/1040476355/   And thank you to Casey Broadwater for the photographic look into a “neighborhood.”  See her work at http://www.flickr.com/photos/thewoodstove/

What if we Lost Our Ability to Choose?

My local CHOICES MARKETI shop regularly at a grocery store in my community called Choices Markets.  They carry organic foods and supplements, herbs and oils, recycled toilet tissue and imported bamboo clothing.  They even offer electric scooters to save fuel and nowadays, big bucks.

I make a choice to spend a bit more money now on staples, to help me and my global environment stay healthier long-term.

But, my choices have changed over the years.

When I was a child, I chose Mac D’s a lot!  Bring on the Trans fat!

Then as a young adult, I joined the movement for low-fat. 

NO MORE FAT.  SAY NO TO DOUGH. 

I bought Cooking Light magazines, years of them and saved them all.  I cooked everything from Alfredo sauce to homemade ice cream – with no fat.  I was an ANTIFAT.

I have since gone on to juices, raw food, vegetarianism, and Ayurvedic.  You name it; if it claims to be healthy, I have probably been there.

It’s a series of choices.

Which way is my choice?

Which way is my choice?

 

 

 

 

Choice is the signpost of freedom.  Those who are free can choose. 
In times of great stress, they can choose calm.  In economic trouble, they can choose abundance.  In heated conversations, they can choose peace.

Choices are result of responsibility.  Those who are not responsible are not free.  Those who are free are responsible to choose and to be held accountable for their choices.

Last week readers participated in a fun research project where I asked them: would they choose to suck on lemons?  Many said yes.  But when I asked if they would marry for money, it created a bit of a stir.  Morally would it be right?  Or could they say how they really felt with it being public and all?  Some even wrote to me personally discussing love and money.

Life is what happens when we are making plans!

Life is what happens when we are making plans!

 
Our choices in life are challenging and exhilarating. 
We have a right to change our choices.

We can change our minds.  In fact, we better change our minds. The more you learn, the more you will change the choices you previously swore you would never change. 

OR NOT.

And this is where we can get stuck.

We can chose to learn and change and be responsible for that change, or we can stubbornly insist we were right when we made the choice – and if it was right for us then, it is right for us now.
Yesterday’s choices may not be right for today.  Can you allow yourself to make new choices?

Let me give you some examples:

  • Maybe you swore that you would never read the newspaper and fill your minds with such garbage.  And then, you got a job as an editor of the local paper.  What now?
  • You told your daughter she had to sleep with diapers on.  She is now 13.  What now?
  • You swore you would never speed in the car, and now your wife is having a baby in the passenger’s seat.  What now?

CHOICES IN THE PRESENT MOMENT

Being present and learning to live in the wonderful now is a state of grace that allows for change.
The galaxy is constantly expanding, and so are you.  Maybe it’s time to check in with yourself and see if you still like the choices you made yesterday, or a decade ago?  

Only the beginning of the universe...imagine!

Only the beginning of the universe...imagine!

 

I love the way Byron Katie deals with this idea in her “work.”  Recently I saw her working on an intimate challenge with Oprah.  Oprah was struggling with resentment she felt towards relatives that repeatedly asked for money.  She felt that the relatives were disrespecting her by continually coming back for more.  Katie suggested that in fact Oprah was the one disrespecting herself and others by choosing to make decisions for which she didn’t want to be responsible.  If her choice in the moment was “no,” she alone was responsible to make it. 

I am guessing you too have updated previous choices to accomodate new moments. This community could benefit if you would take a moment to share your story.  Have you had to make new choices you thought you would never make?

In the Grace of the Moment,

Harmony

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