Somethings I Just Don’t Control
There is an art to controlling what you can, and letting go of the rest. I call it BEING in your own business. So much time is wasted focusing on what is not in our control, that we are left fatigued, emotionally depleted, and oftentimes depressed. It feels helpless to be in a driver’s seat, with no power to move. It can leave you exhausted. It is a power broker bust!
I have listed 5 VERY IMPORTANT “NOT MY BUSINESS” reminders later in this article, but first let’ see what you had to say.
You don't always get to drive!
I asked some of the Goldenzen
community if I could repeat some of the comments they made in the recent article “Are You A Control Freak”
in today’s article. They graciously agreed to share their wisdom.
Here is what they had to say, somewhat “harmonized”:
Robin of Let’s Live Forever: She is not responsible for what food her spouse puts in his mouth!
(It’s tough enough watching our own bellies!)
Davina of Loving Pulse: A self-confessed control freak says what other people’s attitudes are is not her business.
Gloria Chadwick of Zen Coffee: “ You can’t control other people or situations. You’re in charge of your emotions, your actions and reactions.” (Now she is exceptionally bright due to the Zen + Coffee strategy she adheres to so we would expect as much from her!)
The Urban Panther at (you guessed it) The Urban Panther: Admitted to being slightly “catty” about accurate and inaccurate blog posting – however, says she knows it is not her business to insure that others write open and honest blog posts.
ToBeMe at ToBeMe (I forgot to email for his permission, but he and I go way back, so I think I am good here) said, most profoundly I think, that he is not responsible for the decisions his adult children make. (for those of us that have them, this one is a toughie!)
Barbara Swafford at Blogging Without A Blog (although she seems to have quite a good one!) said: Choices that are made by someone else are not her business. Period. Unless, they agree to choose together and then it’s a joint venture.
Lance at The Jungle Of Life bravely said “Its not my business to be overly concerned with what others think of me.” (Maybe a wee bit off concern is okay? :-))
Stacey at Create A Balance shared: “One thing that is not my business is how others take care of their health.” (Again, ours does seem to be a full time job!)
Late Breaking News: Writer Dad, now known as Sean, at Writer Dad arrived on the scene with a comment I just can’t pass up: “If I’m not where I’d like to be, a good place to start looking for reasons why are the last several decisions I made.” (Ouch! So what is now OUT of my control is a consequence perhaps of what I did with what was in my control!)
Five Additional Totally Out Of My Control, Not my Business and Completely Draining Scenarios:
(WARNING: Content may be offensive to some readers- which, by the way, is none of my business!)
1. What the weather is doing. Why would I allow rain, snow, wind, cold, sun, or other basic weather patterns to affect my mood for the day – when I am powerless to change it? (Hurricanes, earthquakes, tornadoes are exempt. You can worry about that. :-))
2. Global economy– I can save, spend, invest, work hard or work little and effect my own economic life to degree, but what Wall Street does, and how it affects my world, is out of my control- therefore not my business.
3. If my lover stays true to me– How can I control that? Tie a string around his ankle? Make her take a polygraph test every night? What you can control is how you respond, how secure you are in yourself, how trusting you choose you can be with others.
4. If I get promoted over the next person – I can do my best, offer my all or offer very little, and experience reward based on merit. But life rarely rewards according to merit – so the outcome is up to someone else, and my power is in what I do from there.
5. If I die. People get so off balance on this subject. My dear readers – you can take supplements, run a few miles four times a week, get a lot of good sex for the prostrate, eat organic, and meditate hours a day – and still die. You don’t control it, so it’s not your business. This particular fear is the source of much of today’s behaviors, that paradoxically, shorten one’s life through obsessive worry and stress.
The more you let go, the more power you have. It seems so simple that it appears on surface irresponsible. But in reality, detachment from outcome is the most powerful tool in your toolbox – and that is your business!
In our next post let’s look at HOW and WHEN do you let go? Do you have strategies for chillin’ out and “letting it go” that have worked for you that you care to share with a VERY ATTENTIVE audience? We are listening!
In the Grace of the Moment,
PS. THANK YOU SO MUCH to the t photograpers whose talents bless us with such good imagery of verbal communication: http://www.flickr.com/photos/42972350@N00/ – Alatriste (child in the drivers seat)