What does it mean when someone says that you are “too controlling” or,
“Look Jane, this is out of your control!”

Two seal pups deciding who is in control!
Two seal pups deciding who is in control!

Out of our pop psychology generation, we picked up a lot of terms that show we really understand what is going on.  (Or NOT)

  • “This is my issue, not yours.”
  • “It’ not you, it’s me.” (Thank God Dr. Seinfeld and Georgie taught us that one!)
  • I need some “downtime” or a “time-out”
  • I don’t feel “centered”

Right up there with “unresolved anger,” and “significant other” is a term we have become quite familiar with – c.o.n.t.r.o.l.

The dictionaries suggest we think of phrases like “to be in the driver’s seat” or “hold the reins” to help us get a mental picture of what it means to control.

But I suggest another approach.

Is it my business? 

Being in control means= that I make everything MY BUSINESS.

Maybe it’s not my business and not in my control.  It could be my neighbors business, or God’s business – but it’s often not MY BUSINESS.

For the next few posts I would like to explore with you the ART OF BEING IN MY OWN BUSINESS.

Can you let it go?
Can you let it go?

Will you help?  What I am asking of each reader is to take just a moment or two and comment telling us one thing you know is your business, and one thing you know is NOT your business even though you might be tempted to make it so. 

Then if you will, subscribe to the comments RSS for this post and keep an eye on what others are saying.  If you find that it triggers yet another “this is my business” comment, or “this is not my business” comment in you, please come back and comment again.  (You can certainly UNSUBSCRIBE to the comments whenever you are tired of it all. (that is easily done in the email where the RSS notice arrives)

You never know, what you share might not be something someone else really needed to read.

I am going to kick it off, by sharing in the first comment below with the Goldenzen avatar .  Take a look – make it your business to know! 🙂

Upcoming Blog Entries: The Art Of Being In My Own Business    

  • When is it My Business?
  • What is Not My Business?
  • How Can I Let it Go?
  • When Should I Let It Go?
  • Help, it’s back!

Thanks for your participation!
In the Grace of the Moment,


PS  Does all the news about stocks plummeting, banks closing and economic distress drive you to your own  “controlling issues”?  Check out my latest post: ECONOMIC MELTDOWN at the Best Life Blog.

Thank you to G’na at Flicker for the animal photo – your gift sure helps me share mine much more effectively.   Her photostream of animals is beautiful!


22 Comments Add yours

  1. goldenzen says:

    I promised to be the first comment.

    One thing I think is my business is my attitude.
    One thing not my business, but I often try to make it my business – my children’s attitude!

    Come on! Lay your cards on the table! 🙂 (THANKS!)

  2. Robin says:

    Hi Harmony!

    Whether I am eating well is my business, but…
    Whether my partner Frank is eating well is not my business! (as tempting as it might be to tempt him to eat a little better)

  3. surjit says:

    Very thoughtful but tricky question.I think what affects me directly is my business and which is not….oh! leave it.
    “The art of knowing is to know what to ignore”
    Thanks for sharing.
    God bless.

  4. goldenzen says:

    ^/> Robin – I hear you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    ^/> Surjit – but the actions of others affect you…is that your business? 🙂

    Thanks for being the first ones to participate!

  5. Evelyn Lim says:

    I would say that it is our egos that always want to take control. They need to be fed and are ever ready to criticize, judge and control. Can we truly let our egos go, then?

  6. If something–anything–affects you in any way, it IS your business. The only thing you can control is YOU–your attitude and responses. You can’t control other people or situations. You’re in charge of your emotions, your actions and reactions.
    BTW, Buddha has left the building. 🙂

  7. Alright, blogging related:
    It is my business to write open and honest posts.
    It is not my business when someone does not.

    I recently struggled with this one. A post was written recently with misleading and questionable information. It took me a week to get over the need to ‘set the record straight for the good of all humanity’. * grin*

  8. goldenzen says:


    I think we might be able to let go of our resistence to them, and experience a richer reality. What do you think?

  9. goldenzen says:

    Careful now, you might be writing my next post! 🙂

  10. goldenzen says:

    Urban Panther…
    You crack me up! YES TIS TRUE…why does it feel so good to go on a holy crusade though? 🙂

  11. tobeme says:

    What I eat to fuel this body is my business.

    What decisions my adult children make are not my business.

    Great post!

  12. Hi Harmony,
    One thing that is my business is my right to choose my attitude and my response.

    The thing that is NOT my business is expecting others to naturally understand this about themselves. I need to remember to allow others to live in their own understanding of their world and not always feel the need to *enlighten* them 🙂
    ( especially when the time is better spent practicing on myself)

  13. goldenzen says:

    tobeme – honestly, I could have written those exact words. I am so glad someone else did. THank you.

  14. goldenzen says:

    Wendi – but it’s so enlightening to be a guru! :->> well said!!!!!

  15. Hi Harmony,

    Great questions!

    1) I know my choices is my business (although if they include another person, then it’s a “joint venture”
    2) I know the choices others make are not my business.

  16. One thing that is my business is my intention.

    One thing that is not my business is how others take care of their health.

  17. Lance says:

    Is my business: taking care of my mental and physical well-being (maybe that’s two…)

    Not my business: be overly concerned with what others think of me. (it’s not, but I seem to make it my business sometimes…)

  18. Davina says:

    Hi Harmony. Ok, I admit it, I’m a control freak! My attitude is definitely my business. Other people’s attitudes are NOT my business, but I quite often feel affected by them anyway.

  19. goldenzen says:

    ^/> Barbara, oooo I love the Joint Venture concept!

    ^/> Stacey, Yes! And keeping them clean is a full time job.

    ^/> Lance, Now Lance, don’t go giving away future stories! 🙂

    ^/> Davina, You are so funny and so refreshingly honest.


  20. Writer Dad says:

    I control my decisions. Nothing else. If I’m not where I’d like to be, a good place to start looking for reasons why are the last several decisions I made.

  21. goldenzen says:

    WriterDad – that is a whole new look at the issue. What decisions was I in control of that brought me to a place I feel out of control? Good stuff for thought!

  22. celestial enchantris says:

    My reactions to others actions are my business and I should exert some form of control over them.

    What others do or say; their actions, are not my business.


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