THE FRIDAY FIASCO: Good seeds go bad.
I have been a health NUT all my adult life.
I was into brewers yeast in late 70′s.
Anything but FAT content in the 80″s.
The 90′s meant a host of supplements, greens, juices and various teas. Healthy me.
Around the TURN OF THE CENTURY (yes I am truly that old) I learned I needed fat (thank God) and found out that when I do get old, I will wish I had eaten more ice cream and worn more purple, (thank Erma) so I started eating as much ice cream as I could get my skinny hands on.
(Skinny me before i met Erma. New me – too wide to fit on the page. But I wear a lot of purple!)
Other health updates in the New Millennium (HOLY MOLY OLD):
- Work less, love life
- Don’t clean the bathroom with bleach
- Eat less meat, more lentils
- No more flour – only sprouts (Ask Davina)
- Fresh fruit in the am
- Eat lots of NUTS and SEEDS….
And that leads me to today’s lesson:
DON’T JUDGE A SEED BY IT’S COVER
You may have heard many benefits to eating the famous FLAX SEED.
Grind it for bowel cleansing ~ Sprinkle it for nutty flavor ~ Mix it for variety in your seed melange.
My friends, ( I sound like John McCain – ooops), I trusted the seed.
I believed the propaganda.
But now I am warning you…EATER BEWARE - not all FLAX SEEDS came to the earth with good Karma.
MY SAD, SAD STORY
While the “Bail Out” was only a twinkle in the Senate’s eye, one bad seed was on a mission.
Refusing to follow the crowd and eat toast or donuts for breakfast, I made myself a bowl of RED RIVER CEREAL. Cooked to perfection I enjoyed my hearty porridge with some milk and raisins. Pure Yum.
Until the truth was told.
Within a day or so I noticed that the roof of my mouth was swollen, but since I am a health nut after all, and don’t favor running to the doctors office, I chose to ignore it in hopes it would “go away.”
Alas, after a couple more days the pain was increasing and I realized that something had lodged itself up inside my upper gum. That something was a saucy flax seed that forgot the GOLDENZEN motto: “Do no harm.” As the days passed, the swelling increased and my entire mouth, including back molars were aching like someone had a jack hammer in my mouth, excavating tender flesh and troubling the bones.
I couldn’t take it anymore. I was getting sick of the pain, and SICK in my entire body. The crazy seed infected my gum and left me SICK from being a health nut!
What the fig newtons is that all about?
It reminds me of my mother, an RN, who works the night shift in a high stress ward. She smokes, she eats junk, she rarely has fruits and vegetables and is addicted to sweets and pop. SHE IS HEALTHY AS A HORSE!
And then there’s me. Goody two shoes. Almost vegetarian, eats mostly fresh and natural foods, drinks the finest of coffees eats the darkest of chocolate…(okay, everyone has to have some vices,) and what do I get but a FLAX SEED ON A FLIPPING MISSION OF DOOM. This kamikaze is still bearing it’s soul in my gum as I write, but not without a fight from me.
(Oh Yes, I am a fighter. Believe you me, and I have the scars to prove it! FIGHT FIGHT…I may be down, but not out! Whoops…again I digress)
DOCTOR PLEASE MAKE ME SAY “AHHHHH”
On the weekend, when I could bear it no longer, I went to the clinic and begged the doctor to look and see.
He asked me if I could consider eating oatmeal in the future – like normal people . He offered me a donut gum at. (no chewing for me!)
Armed with ANTI-FLAX INVADER PILLS I have been waiting to feel better, and I’ll admit that tonight, I ate more than soup- I ate a sandwich.
But I am still fighting mad at FLAX and have started a non-profit organization called “HEALTH NUTS AGAINST SEEDS” Watch for ads on your local television station.
WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD NUTS?
I have asked that question many times in the past seven days. I think I know the answer.
It’s the Friday Fiasco.
My life was a breeze until the FF.
First week in, Ginger gets stung by wasps and swells to new dimensions.
Last week, just to BOND with my readers and create a buzz of cheer, I wrote what I wasn’t grateful for.
I got me in so much trouble with the Universe
that I missed THANKSGIVING.
That’ s right “My Friends”, (whoops, there I go again, I think I need a “CHANGE”), I didn’t get to go to the family dinner, and even tough they sent me leftover turkey – since I can’t chew or even GUM IT, regretably it has remained in the tupperware in the frig.
Ginger says to pass it on to her, but I haven’t the heart. She likes to remind me I don’t eat meat. Whatever!
If I had only followed Alexys and been noble in my post, or Liara, and seen only the magic of beauty, I would not be in this painful pond of pity and platitudes…
Lord have mercy!
BEWARE. Look out for those seeds that promise life, health and vigor. Watch out for the “good guys” who leave you writhing in pain and sorrow for your choices.
Eat oatmeal instead and GO FOR THE FLAKES!
In the Grace of the Moment,
PS. Okay, I’ll admit to a wee bit of political satire on the side. But come on, give me a break. What else was I to do with all this sick time? I watched the pundits watch the candidates, who watched the polls, who bugged the people, who want answers.
PPS. Don’t get fooled! If you see one of these healthy, hearty seeds hanging about – eat ice cream instead!
Many thanks to the following websites whose photos helped tell this silly story.
http://www.kitchengardeners.org/2006/05/ - yummy! http://bi0nic-eating-habits.blogspot.com/2008/03/snack-attack.html?showComment=1205972640000 - bless her heart, she REALLY NEEDS to read this story! :-), http://www.martialdevelopment.com/blog/cultivating-happiness-with-the-secret-smile/ - so funny, a blogpost suggesting we cultivate happiness with a smile, http://blog.pricegrabber.com/shopgreen/2007/11/14/the-turkey/ - go green blog!, http://www.oneplanetonesolution.com/shop/index.php/cPath/36_28?osCsid=gpin200ivo0psk1ktgbj14toe2 - healthy site for flax seed.